-“My preciousssssss…”

March 2006.

Gollum is not the only one with his eye on the ring.

I’m not so sure I know what it is. Either that, or I’m too ashamed to admit that I do.

There’s just something about it…its beauty precedes it. Once you have it, your worldly value triples. I’m prudent to start generalizing, but most of the girls I know cannot wait ’til the day that it is theirs. This precious piece of metal–only a glistening platform for the true star of the show. And that true star is not you. Suddenly, your entire relationship with your man is infused into a transparent gem, ribbed with finely cut lines and sparkling with a blush that outshines your own. The light catches it, and rays, imitating a prism fractured by the sun, burst free from its center; perhaps if you’re lucky, it’ll cast white spindles of reflection upon any dull surface close by and transform your ordinary life into something extraordinary.

It’s the ring. It’s the culmination of a relationship. A means of gratification–for you and for he who presents it to you. It says, “I love you” without saying anything at all, or perhaps more appropriately, “I want you.” You, and only you. Who wouldn’t feel like the most cherished woman in the world?

He only has to hang it in front of your unsuspecting eyes, and you melt in an instant. Your body tenses up with a rare form of euphoric anxiety while your mind suddenly flees, soon finding itself atop perfectly white, fluffy clouds neither one of you knew existed. And whether you want the man behind the ring, or if you’re just along for the random ride, you cannot tear your eyes away from the prize. How can you resist?

Two warm eyes gaze back at you, waiting, pleading, like a puppy dog, he heels–before you. Two eyes too masked in a cloud of anxious worry–eager and scared at the same time to hear your answer, for no matter how sure he is of your love, you have the power to give him any answer.

Yet, you yourself are powerless. Because no matter how faint your feelings may be for your boyfriend, that rock will just look so darn…beautiful. The gem has the power of persuasion. Some would even bury their doubts to make it work–to give themselves the ring. They hold out a few more months, a few more years, to wait for the gift they know will come. Surely, it will come.

And what if it doesn’t? Why are we so hung up on obtaining that ring? On getting engaged? Getting married? I don’t want to speak for all. Perhaps, I should just speak for myself…

For as long as I can remember, an engagement ring has been a necessity. An essential step in the road of life. Without it, a long-term relationship begins to lose its purpose…making the two individuals involved appear more like two aimless bodies with no heads, with no point at which you direct everything towards. I suppose it’s foolish to aim for marriage the moment you step into a relationship, but the moment I fell in love, I couldn’t think of anything else than to spend the rest of my life with that man. Corny and cliché, eh? Yes, yes, I know. But I cannot help it.

I also can’t help but want a ring. I can’t get past this perception created by society that it is necessary for a woman who is engaged to wear one–and usually, not just any one. A big, (or at least noticeable), beautiful, sparkling gem. In movies, the engaged woman always has a ring. Whenever a man proposes, never once do you see him without a ring to accompany his offer. It’s as if the ring completes the proposal, seals the deal. Then again, all it would seal is the fact that you are engaged to be married; it wouldn’t necessarily guarantee a marriage, or a wedding. So why do we want it so much? It’s pretty, and you can show it off. It can make you feel important and prized. It is the perfect opportunity for you to let other people know, “Hey, I’m engaged! Yes, yes, I’m just that special.” It seems all so superficial and petty, but who can avoid thinking in such a way when they see a ring on another girl? It can be a bit embarrassing to admit how much materialistic value you really do put into a ring of that bearing.

This kind of ring is envied, and thus, you, the wearer of the ring, will be envied, too. Perhaps, an engagement ring even makes a woman more attractive to men: a symbol of what they can’t have, or perhaps a woman who is just all the more beautiful because of all the connotations that come with the object. I think “ring” and I think, “special”, “precious”, “worthy”…I mostly think, “Well, I guess she’s incredible enough for a guy to want to marry her.” I’m always filled with envy over it. It’s kind of ridiculous I suppose because I only recently turned 21, and yet, seeing another girl’s engagement ring saddens me—only because it reminds me that I don’t have one. Wow. I’m 21, and I’m depressed because I’m not engaged. Aren’t I pathetic? I think so.

But I can’t help it! My God, I want a ring. Will it transform me? Make me beautiful and alluring and altogether SPECTACULAR!? Perhaps. But perhaps it would…only to myself.

My boyfriend and I have every intention to get married and have children, and yet, my patience for the outcome is quickly wearing away. Despite every assurance I have that we will be married, I have a hard time waiting. I’m reminded of a Modernist theme expressed in many poems—the theme of not being able to live in the present moment because we, as humans, are always either looking to the future or regretting the ways of the past. We often experience an overwhelming sense of being stuck in the present moment.

Because of this sentiment, I personally cannot be satisfied with the ‘here and now’, even though I know my day will come. I want the day to be now, and because of this, it just might be the destruction of me. But I can’t help it. I bear an urgency that, for now, controls my desires for the immediate future. I yearn for this…this dream that has ensnared me for years now. What young girl does not dream of being proposed to? Of being given the opportunity to have this one special man ask her, this one special girl, to marry him?

So I wait for that day when all my doubts will be pushed aside and crushed–the day I have been waiting my entire life for. My boyfriend says he doesn’t believe in rings because (1), he thinks it’s a jinx to the engagement and (2), he feels they are too flashy. Heh. I could see why he thinks that, but who wouldn’t want to show off a 2-carat diamond ring on a dazzling platinum band? It isn’t just a ring. It’s a symbol to the world that you are wanted, but most importantly, it’s a symbol to yourself that not only are you worthy of being eternally, unconditionally loved, but that to one man, (the man who matters the most), you are special; you are his precious gem.

Unfortunately for your guy, being a symbolic gem is not enough. The woman often wants an actual gem to match the way he makes her feel inside. I guess it’s somewhat materialistic and sentimental all at the same time.

Anyway, my boyfriend says he doesn’t believe in rings. But when he asked me for my ring size, it really did make me wonder….