"Tell Me, Mr. Gateman"
written 2003.
No matter how much the world needed him,
Nothing in the world could keep him here
not even love
not even my love
It’s almost as if it wasn’t good enough
But good times tell us to ignore the saddest possibilities
so we do
and I did.
I loved him with all my heart
it seems silly to put a price on a heart
would anything have made him stay?
When you die, are you given the option to stay or to go
if you were to just say no,
I do not accept you
are you denying Christ or saving ur family?
why don’t they understand
the sickest man in the world
will still be loved
loved a little greater
if that.
what part do they see?
what part is so hard to understand
My God,
my sister,
at 22 months old
the greatest man in her life was taken by death
the man who teach her how to fly
the man who loved her more than life
Mr Gateman,
a picture cannot tell you I love you
a picture can only stand there and look pretty
look at you and smile
but what if you don’t want to smile
what if you want to scream
and rant and shout
kick over a few chairs
knock over a few vases
What if the one man you want to strangle
is the one man who isn’t there
and the fact he isn’t there
is the reason you want to strangle him
You can grow up your whole life
thinking you’re content without a dad
and then your wedding day comes and you can’t move forward without one.
What if nothing in life mattered but your family
and then your look at your own and see that
your tree has fallen
No one stands there anymore
You can’t repair him
because he’s gone
you can’t replace him
cos that’s just wrong
What do you do?
What do you do?
Where does your life go?
Where do you go, Mr. Gateman?
No books will give you the answers
Using the Bible as your guide, I suppose can help
But death is a lost for humanity
And all humans do not turn to God
in fact, many think he is a fraud
so what do they do?
What do they do?
When death is their loss
when revenge is a medicine you’ll get at any cost.
I know what I’d do
I’d search high and low
I’d go to a place
You can’t even trace
I’d find my dad, I know.
I’m supposed to be content
with a few white clouds for a face
with a home video for his voice
all of which I can erase?
I’m supposed to live my life
as if he’s always near
watching over my lonely shoulder
crying each and every tear?
I’m supposed to be myself
Run and jump like nothing’s wrong
But you know what?
I’m tired of bullshit answers,
“Life’s unfair.”
“You’re weak.”
“Be strong!”
If life’s unfair,
then I blame life
If struggle is bothersome
then I blame strife
And if I want to run and scream and shout
Promise me, Mr. Gateman
I won’t be booted out
Mr. Gateman,
give me a reason to be filled with glee,
to celebrate life, saying,
“I’m free, yes, I’m free!”
Give me a reason
not to cry or pout
as if suffering I just now figured out.
Tell me to accept it
Go ahead and lie
Look me in the eye
Tell me not to die.
Life is something I just can’t control
Why should I try to give it my all?
Since life is not fair
then
must I accept my fate?
If life’s so unfair,
then salvation must be fake
If I’m to believe
acceptance is fair
forcing my solace
making me bear
all of the things
that hurt me so
am I to believe
he’s expected to go
Am I to believe a wife don’t need her man
a baby don’t need her father
a stranger don’t need a hand
cos every time you take away
a person from this land
They did not leave the ones they love
You pulled them with your hands
I’m sorry if I offend you
I’m sorry if I’m wry,
5 years ago,
you stole my dad
and today, I still cry
Life is love
Love is sorrow
Love makes me feel like no tomorrow!
The person I will love today
you will take
I will pay.
You make me feel like love is trite
Like it couldn’t make him stay
You say that love is so great
and yet you take my love away.
Mr. Gateman,
I can’t carry on
drying every tear
All I want
is my dad
It’s life
not death
I fear.